Can't Go Back
by x0LaBellaVita0x
Summary: In a single moment Bella Swans whole life changed. The man she loves lied to her tearing her down so she ran away. Away from her reason for existing away from the heartbreak away from it all Bella soon realizes you cant go back, you can only go forward.
1. Chapter 1

Can't Go Back

Chapter 1: Runaway

"What did you just say?" I asked, desperate to make sure I heard him correctly. He stepped back, his face pained. "I'm sorry." He whispered, his voice sad. He's _sorry_? That's all he can say, he is just sorry he did this to me. How could he? "You're sorry?" I questioned, my anger rising. It was either be angry, or cry. I didn't want to cry, not now. "What do you want me to say?" He asked, his voice not changing. Say, I didn't want him to say anything. I wanted him to give me back the three years I wasted on him. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw a shadow in the window. I turned to look at it, and met a pair of understanding, sad eyes. I saw myself in the black eyes, and the tears started falling. He took a step forward, arm outstretched as if he were reaching for me. Going to comfort me. "Don't." I said, my voice firm, contradicting the tears falling. He stopped short, arm dangling in between us, then falling to his side. "I wish things could have been different, I do. But it just happened. I had no control over it." He explained. "The things you had control over, you did nothing about." I told him. I hurriedly took the ring off my finger. "I hate you." I whispered, throwing the ring at him, and bolted out the door. I jumped into my truck, and sped towards home. I wiped the tears from my eyes, of course I didn't hate him, the thought of hating him seemed unimaginable. I love him.

I got home quicker than I ever have before, and ran directly up to my room, throwing as many clothes as I could fit into my suitcase. I scribbled down a note to my dad, Charlie, and went back to my truck. I drove away from everything. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I knew I had to get out of there. I shut my phone after an hour of driving, not being able to take the constant ringing. I stopped when I needed to, drank lots of coffee, filled my tank, but other than that I just drove. I was in Montana when I finally decided to stop and actually sleep. I found a cheap, crappy looking hotel, and got a room for the night. I hesitantly turned on my phone, and dialed the familiar number. "Hello?" Charlie's frantic voice answered. "Dad. It's me." I sighed. "It's Bella." He said, relieved, to whoever was in the room with him. I imagined everyone cramped into our small living room. "Bella, where are you?" He asked me, in his police chief voice. "That's not important." I told him. "You bet your ass it's important. I need to send someone to get you, and bring you back home." Charlie said, angry. "I'm not coming home. I just cant." I said, something in my voice must have triggered his fatherly side. "Bells, did he cheat on you? Just say the word and-" He began. Someone growled in the background. "Dad, don't. I just need a fresh start somewhere, where no one knows me, and where I can just forget everything that has happened." I told him. I took a breath. "Tell everyone I love them, and will miss them. Tell them I will see them all soon." Maybe, I added in my head. "Then come home." Charlie said, pleading. "Dad, I just…can't. please understand that." I said.

He sighed. "Okay, Bells. I'll let you go. But I'll always be looking." He said. "I love you dad." I said. "I love you too, kiddo." He said, than the line went dead. I collapsed onto my bed, and cried myself to sleep.


	2. Coma

Chapter 2: Coma

_One Month Later_

It's been a month since I ran away. I stayed in Montana, and live in the town of Missoula. I'm not Bella anymore, here I'm known as either Isabella White, or simply Izzie. No one has called me Bella in a month, and I wanted to keep it that way. I got a job at the bookstore down the street, and I continue to live in the hotel. One because I didn't feel like going apartment hunting, and two because it is cheaper than any apartment would ever be. I had the late shift tonight, only because I switched with Skye, it is her daughters sixth birthday, and Skye and her husband were taking their daughter away for the weekend. I sighed, and locked up the doors. I climbed into my truck, and headed in the direction of home. I just went through the only intersection between home and the bookstore, when head lights illuminated my left side. It was too late for me to do anything to avoid the collision. I whispered "I love you," and waited for the impact. It felt like my life flashed before my eyes, I saw everything. The first date, first kiss, the proposal, and betrayal. In the distance I heard sirens, but I lost consciousness.

Most of my body ached. From my head, down to my legs. I tried to move my arm, but something stopped it. I opened my eyes, blinking waiting for my vision to be clear, and saw an IV stuck in my arm. I sighed, and looked down at the rest of my body. My left arm was in a cast, as was my left leg. I groaned. "Hello, Bella." A velvet voice said. I froze, no one here calls me that. No one. I glanced up, and there was a person sitting in the chair. Person didn't seem fitting, he was more like Adonis. He had untidy bronze colored hair, and topaz eyes. He was staring at me, either in amazement or shock. "Do I know you?" I asked him. Hurt masked his face for a moment, than it became blank. "I'm Edward. Edward Cullen." He said, smiling crookedly. I thought about the name, and tried to relay it to a distant memory. But all my memories focused on him. "Sorry." I mumbled. "Don't worry about it." He said, lightly, his eyes tight. It was than that I noticed he was wearing a lab coat. "Are you my doctor?" I asked. "Ah, yes. Dr. Cullen, at your service." He said, standing up and walking over to me. "What happened?" I asked. He pursed his lips. "You don't remember?" Edward asked. I shook my head. He sat down on the edge of the bed. I inhaled, he smelled really good, it made me dizzy. "You were hit by a drunk driver. Bella, you've been in a coma for a week." He said, solemnly. He called me Bella again.

A coma? Did I hear him right? My breath hitched. "You didn't call anyone, right?" I asked him. If he knew my name, then he must know me, which means he probably knew I was by myself. "Nope. You're 18. A perfectly legal adult." He said, smiling crookedly again. I felt my cheeks blush as I turned away. Hurt masked his face again. "Would you like me to call someone?" He asked, an unfamiliar tone to his voice. "No." I said quickly. He arched a perfect eyebrow. "I don't have anyone to call." I explained, avoiding his gaze. "Why did you run away?" He asked, his voice soft. He knew. "How do you know?" I asked, confused that this person I met merely minutes ago, knew so much about me. "I know you aren't Isabella White. You are a very long ways away from home, and you're alone." Edward said, staring at me. State the obvious why don't you, I thought bitterly. "If you know so much, than why don't you tell me who I am?" I challenged. "Isabella Swan." He said, his voice strong. He did know, crap, now he can call my father, and everyone for that matter. "I'm the only one. That knows, I mean." He added quickly, burrowing my worry. He really did know me too well.

"But how do you _know_?" I asked slowly, my eyes blinking as I saw the bronze colored hair fall onto his forehead as he leaned closer to me. "We went to high school together." He breathed, his voice inches from mine, his breath cold. I shivered, not in the uncomfortable way. Then it hit me. Bronze hair, velvet voice, muscular, beautiful. I sucked in a breath, my eyes widening as I continued to stare, and I tried to slow my now racing heart, but the monitor gave me away. Edward Cullen. My junior and senior lab partner. Most wanted guy at Forks High. Edward leaned away from me, letting me grasp this. Memories washed over me. Jacob Black, my first true love. Jacob, my fiancée. Jacob, supposedly imprinting on me. Edward Cullen. Jacob, truly imprinting on Maggie, a visiting werewolf from another tribe. Me running away, and never looking back. The next memory was a very familiar one.

_I sat down at my-our desk. I became uncomfortable, and I knew he was too. Edward Cullen was sitting at the edge of his stool, farthest away from me. I moved my hair, making it a shield between me. He stiffened, and glared at me furiously. I turned away quickly, blushing. How could one person hate me so much just by seeing me?_

_I turned to look at him, returning his glare with my own. If someone was going to hate me as much as he did, than I sure as hell had the right to hate him right back. Edward's hand balled into a fist on his lap, and his eyes that were once topaz were now pitch black. As I stared at him, my glare faulted, and I couldn't help that my eyes softened. It must be hard being the new kids in a new school, not knowing anyone, and already having people deadly afraid of you. His eyes turned to those of guilt as the bell rang, and he ran quickly out of the room. _

I knew why that one appeared in my head, that was the first time I crossed paths with Edward Cullen. And already my head was filled with rumors. The next memory I saw, however, was more hormone related.

"_Bella, I am really sorry. I tried to stop." Tyler Crowley apologized, for what seemed like the umpteenth time. Charlie closed the curtain that was between us. I gave him a look, and he shrugged. "Bells, I'm gonna go find a doctor to talk to." Charlie said, then walked out of the room. When he was gone, I reopened the curtain, and smiled at Tyler. "Don't worry about it Tyler. It was an accident, it could have happened to anyone. Really. It was more my fault than yours anyway, I don't have a good relationship with balance." I said to him, hoping to lessen the guilt he felt. He smiled a little at me, and I re shut the curtain, and began to examine the cuts, and bruises on my arms. _

"_Fall down again, Isabella?" The velvet voice echoed through the room, and my heart quicken. How can you hate someone, but find them completely irresistible at the same time? Besides, even if I did find Edward incredibly beautiful, I had a boyfriend. Thinking of Jacob made an amazing feeling wash through my body, but in his absence, Edward's annoyance seemed to fill the hole. Being Edward's friend wouldn't hurt anybody, right?_

"_What's it to you? So you can have another accident to reminisce about?" I snapped. Hey, I said I would be his friend, I didn't say that had to happened now. He didn't answer, he stood standing in the doorway, staring at me. I went back to looking at my cuts. They were on my hands. I imagined Edward holding my hand, then shook my head, and placed Jake there instead. How could I think that way? "What are you doing here?" I asked, after I couldn't take the silence. "Well the entire student population at Forks High is crammed into the waiting room, I figured I would come here to spring you, seeing how you don't have a concussion." He trailed off, almost relieved. I was confused. "My father, Carlisle, took your case. You dad went to go talk to him. They should be here soon." As if Edward was my own personal fortune teller, Dr. Cullen and Charlie walked in. _

"_Hello, Bella. I'm Dr. Cullen, and you are free to go." He smiled, revealing pure white, and perfect teeth, before writing something on my chart than setting it down. Dr. Cullen was almost as beautiful as Edward. Did I really just think that? "Sorry, Bells, I have to get back to the station, and Jake couldn't get out of school." Charlie said, thinking. Great, now I have no ride home. Charlie's eyes landed on Edward. Uh oh. "Edward, right?" Charlie asked. "Chief Swan." Edward nodded, holding out his hand. They shook hands. "Please, call me Charlie. Would you mind driving Bella home? If not I'm sure I could find other arrangements." Charlie asked. Oh jeez. Dr. Cullen and Edward glanced at each other. "Not at all." Edward smiled, then motioned for me to follow him. I was oddly excited, but I knew that I shouldn't be. I have Jacob. Jacob. Jacob. Jacob. _


	3. Scent

Chapter 3: Scent

**EPOV**

Another boring day at the hospital, filled with patients, and flirtatious secretaries. I sighed, and finished putting things into my briefcase. Technically, I'm not even supposed to be working here. I just graduated high school a month ago. Three years ago, however, I got my medical degree, and because I am Dr. Carlisle Cullen's son no one asks questions. I was only a month into my first year of residency, and already I have no idea how Carlisle does it. Finally, everything was in its place, I headed out of Carlisle's office, and down the hall towards the main entrance. _Oh, here he comes._ My mind was attacked by Julie, the secretary, and all her dirty thoughts. One in particular starred her and I with me nibbling on her neck. I shivered, if she only knew how that would end, her fantasies would stop all too quickly. "Hello, Dr. Cullen." She said, pushing out her breasts, and flipping her blonde hair out of her face. The burning feeling in the back of my throat presented itself. I swallowed the venom. "Julie." I greeted, not bothering to stop.

_Why did I wear heels? _She asked herself. She stood up, and stepped in front of me, blocking my exit. "Look, Dr. Cullen-Edward, there is something I've been meaning to tell you ever since you started residency." She said. I suppressed a sigh. Of course I've known what she was going to say after that. But I was no Alice, and didn't anticipate her movements. She placed her hand on that of my own, and quickly jerked it away, the coldness sickening her. _He feels so… _She didn't even bother finishing the statement, but I didn't need her to. I knew what she was gonna say. Dead. "I'm attracted to you." She said, after regained her composure. No, she was attracted to the façade. I waited, not saying anything, for her to continue. She racked her brain with something to say. "Well I"

Her personal thoughts came to a halt as she saw the gurney being pushed the ER doors. I groaned, of course I had to be the closest doctor here, out of everyone. I rolled my sleeves, and dropped my suitcase. I started walking towards the gurney, but stopped, frozen in place. The blood, the _smell_. My muscles tighten, and I was suddenly ready to attack. _Edward, you'd regret it more than you think_. Alice's voice of reason flooded my head. Stupid future seeing vampire. I cut off air flow, and continued moving towards the gurney.

Even though I stopped air flow, the scent still lingered in my airways, causing my throat to burn. I had never smelled something so appealing, so delectable. I hadn't smelled something this amazing since high school. Memories of the girl flashed inside my head, rolling like a movie. Then I realized the blood wasn't sweet because is was the same scent, it was because it was the same girl. My Bella. I unconsciously quickened my pace. I saw her laying on the gurney, unconscious. And my mind reeled. One of the paramedics was going over what a witness had said. Bella had just went through the green light, when an eighteen wheeler ran a red light, and hit her on the driver's side. Somehow, Bella was trapped under the dashboard, and they needed the jaws of life to free her. I shivered. My Bella. Blood was everywhere, covering almost every inch of her body. My stomach churned. I followed her as she was wheeled to a room, there she was hooked up to all the machines, and given pain killers. Then, her heart flat lined. It felt like my heart broke. I was handed the paddles, and immediately went to work. "Clear." I yelled, my voice hoarse. Nothing. "Clear." I yelled again. I heard her heart beat, before the machine picked it up. And let out an unneeded sigh of relief. I sucked in another breath, reveling in her scent. I couldn't believe how much I missed smelling it everyday.

I brought my trembling hand up to her face, and laid it against her cheek. One of the nurses had wiped away all the blood, and she still looked beautiful. She was always beautiful to me, always. For the two years her and I shared in high school, it was blatantly obvious she despised me, although, it's not like I ever gave her a reason to like me. I wasn't very friendly to her. I was a coward. I was afraid that if I got to close to her, that I would end up killing her, I was too weak and couldn't resisted her blood. So I shut her out. Yeah, I love her. And I have ever since I saved her from Tyler Crowley's van junior year. Of course, she never knew what I did. She couldn't know, no one could. It was the Monday after the accident, that Bella came in smelling, putting it lamely, awfully repulsing. She reeked of werewolf. After school, was the first day I saw Jacob Black. The werewolf who had my Bella's heart. There was no denying the fact that he loved her, but I still tried to find ways to deny it. Bella in the arms of a juvenile werewolf made me sick. But I was just as bad, maybe even worse. A vampire, human's were my prey. Except I was different, my family and I were different, we fed off of animals, not humans. But still, there was nothing I could do. So I watched from afar, watched the girl I was in love with in the hands of a _dog_.

As I stared at her beautiful face, my mind got to thinking. What was she doing her in Montana? Alone? I thought imprinting was this binding, permanent thing that couldn't be broken. Yet, here Bella was, miles away from her wolf. I smelled again, and there was only a hint of werewolf still lingering on her. But it was dull. I growled. Did he hurt her? I swear- "Any I.D. yet?" A paramedic asked. "Haven't found any. But her car was registered under the name Isabella White." another one answered. No wedding ring, new identity, and no wolf. Isabella Swan ran away.


	4. Guilt

Chapter 4: Guilt

**EPOV**

I stared at Bella. She was laying on the hospital bed, the heart monitor at a steady pace. The same pace it has been in for a week, ever since she slipped into the coma. It felt like I was trying to will her to wake up, only it wasn't working. At all. Not even a little. I sighed. I haven't been able to leave the hospital, not for long periods of time at least, especially knowing Bella was here. Alone. A couple times I thought about calling Charlie, but every time Alice said it would end up with Bella not talking to me, ever again. I sure as hell didn't want that. I also had to pretend to be sleeping a couple of times, when the nurses would come in. They would all think about how much I must care for her. Alice and Carlisle are the only ones that know Bella is here in the hospital. They are the most…understanding. Ever since Bella has reappeared, Alice's visions have been going a little haywire. One vision is of Bella dieing peacefully in her old age. Than it will be one of Bella with blood red eyes. And every now and then there is a vision that is completely blank. Like it disappeared.

Bella began to stir, and it felt like my heart was beating again. Her eyes opened, and she looked around the room. Relief washed over me. "Hello, Bella." I greeted her. She froze, and her eyes looked up and met mine. Yes, I missed those chocolate brown eyes, probably more than I should. "Do I know you?" She asked, her voice confused. I was hurt, truthfully, but I guess I shouldn't have had high hopes for her to remember me. "I'm Edward. Edward Cullen." I said, smiling crookedly. Her heart rate quickened ever so slightly. "Sorry." She said, clearly not remembering me. "Don't worry about it." I said, shrugging, but I couldn't help but feel worthless. She stared at my attire. "Are you my doctor?" Bella asked, even more confused. "Ah, yes. Dr. Cullen at your service." I said, standing up and walking closer to her. Her scent still hit me like a wrecking ball. "What happened?" She asked. "You don't remember?" I questioned. I knew there was a chance that this could happen, but I needed to be sure. Bella shook her head. I sat at the edge of her bed, careful not to touch her. "You were hit by a drunk driver. Bella, you've been in a coma for a week." I said, my voice grave, and somewhat guilty. If only I was there.

"You didn't call anyone, right?" Bella asked, afraid. I understand on some level why she would be afraid, but not entirely. "Nope. You're 18. A perfectly legal adult." I smiled. Her cheeks flushed as she turned away. I couldn't help but feel warm. But also hurt cause I couldn't see her face clearly, and her eyes were distant. "Would you like me to call someone?" I asked, not being able to not feel jealous. What if she said to call Jacob? "No." She answered, quickly. I arched an eyebrow, waiting. "I don't have anyone to call." She said, turning away again. I let that one slide, even though I knew she was lying. "Why did you run away?" I asked, softly. "How do you know?" She shot back another question. I bit my tongue to keep from smiling, if only she knew how much I knew about her life. "I know you aren't Isabella White. You are a very long ways away from home, and you're alone." I answered. Her face looked bitter. "If you know so much, than why don't you tell me who I am?" Bella challenged. "Isabella Swan." I said, trying not to sound smug. I measured her expression, and quickly added another statement. "I'm the only one. That knows, I mean." Relief washed over her. I smiled and looked away.

We were quiet for a moment. "But how do you _know_?" Bella asked, slowly, staring at me. I leaned closer, relishing in her scent. "We went to high school together." I breathed out, she shivered, but she didn't look uncomfortable. Maybe I was wrong, and she could feel the coldness and was uncomfortable, but still, I couldn't bring myself to distance myself. It was only a month since the last time I saw her, but it felt like years. She sucked in a breath, eyes widening, and her heart rate definitely quickened. "Oh." She finally said, and I pulled away. We were silent again, and I didn't mind. I missed hearing her heartbeat. At that moment, Alice was having a repeat vision. This one was of Alice and Bella, their arms tightly around each other, Bella's eyes blood red. I shivered. I didn't want that, did I? "So, uh, how are you?" Bella asked, biting her lip. "You're in a hospital, and you are asking me how I am?" I asked. She nodded, her lips pulling into a smile. I laughed. "I'm well. Considering." I answered. We were quiet again. "How are you feeling?" I murmured, moving my hand and once again resting it on her bruised cheek. She froze for a split second, and I was about to take my hand away, of course she would be repulsed by the coldness, but she surprised me and leaned into it. "Better." She said, her eyes shutting.

We stayed in this position for a while. "Dr. Cullen, your sister called. She said she needs to tell you something, and it cant be done over the airwaves." Julie said, walking in, her voice trailing off into confusion. I pulled my hand away from Bella's cheek, but Julie had seen and her eyes blazed of jealousy. Bella blushed. "Guess that's my cue." I said, standing up. "I'll come back and visit, Miss White." I smiled down at Bella, and winked as I walked out the door, being closely followed my Julie. I heard all the questions she was gonna ask before she even opened her mouth. "Not now, Julie." I said, and continued out the main entrance. I ran. "I figured it out, Edward. Why my visions are sometimes blank." Alice bombarded me as soon as I walked through the door. "Slow down Alice." Jasper joined us. "Jasper and I went for a long run, and we found ourselves back in Forks. I don't even know how we got there, anyway. We had slowed down to a walk, and then both mine and Jaspers visions went blank. When my sight came back, guess what was standing in front of us?" Alice explained. I shrugged. "Werewolves, Edward. They make my visions blank." She sighed, exasperated. "Were any of them in human form?" I asked. Alice and Jasper shook their heads. "No. but one wolf in particular, was experience a great deal of guilt. I've never felt anyone so guilty before." Jasper explained. I saw it in his mind, and felt what the wolf felt. It was the eyes on the wolf that were the most familiar. "Jacob." I hissed.


End file.
